Why I'm Tired All the Time

I really want to get a job after graduation. I think about 97% of college students want a job after graduation, but I think around 25% of those people don’t really want jobs. They wish there was a magical world where they could continue partying and having maybe an hour of class a day and they move to New York with their parent’s money. For some of them, this is actually the reality, but this is not about them.

I really do want a job. And I worry all the time that I’m not doing enough. I’m on the dean’s list, running for SGA, part of clubs, have a major and a minor, but I still don’t think that’s enough- which is maybe why I love internships.

For this summer alone I applied to at least 30 only to get a dozen or so responses about the companies cancelling them due to the coronavirus. I did two internships in high school (one at a preschool, one at a cell biology lab) and two so far in college, plus one for this upcoming summer. This is in addition to having at least six paying jobs since I turned 16.

This is what it takes in the United States. Not just an education at a private university and a high GPA, but a list of commitments, extracurriculars, and experience. And I’m not that mad. I am not forced to do any of this, but getting a good job after graduation is pretty good motivation.

When I was in Belgium, I worked with a group of other interns who were also part of an undergrad or postgrad program and they were all on their internship semester (or at least that’s how I understand it). They didn’t have other classes and this was their first internship. And they all seemed pretty confident that they were going to get jobs after graduation.

Do they just have an abundance of jobs or something? Now I know that if I wanted just any job, I could get one. I’m qualified for most positions just by having the privilege of getting a college degree. However, I have this innate need to be someone great and have everyone look at me and say: Wow. That girl really did something with herself- I'm jealous of her.

Maybe I’m oversharing.

I have several articles that I’ve saved or that my parents have ripped out for me that all have the same message. Be the best at whatever you are told to do and don’t complain. Be grateful for the opportunities you are given. Dedication and commitment are the top qualities people admire. And hey- someone may notice and give you another chance.

And I think that’s what the United States is wired for. We only have a small percentage of places at the top for people who are smart, work hard, and dedicate themselves. Our workplaces are competitive and you have to be the best of the best to get opportunities, but I think it’s so that people are weeded out if they aren’t willing to work hard at every single task- whether it’s filing papers, making coffee, or something bigger.

Maybe the Belgians have it easier because they don’t have that subconscious American need to be the best. I wish I was more conflicted by that, but really, I do want to be the best. And I think I will be. Just need to figure out more extracurriculars and internships to stack onto my schedule.